5 Years Ago Today

Every day I look on my Timehop app to see what I was doing today a few years back. As I went through today's timehop one picture came up from 5 years ago and it surprised me at first that I didn't remember it as I had the first few years. July 19, 2012 was the date my divorce to my children's father became final. We were together for close to 20 years and married for 17. Our relationship was tumultuous from the very beginning but instead of running in opposite directions from each other we stayed together. I had our son the year after we met and we were married a few years later. Our daughter came soon after and we were this young family just trying to make it. I am not going to lie and say that there were no good days, because there were...but the bad outweighed the good. We fought about everything from money to unfaithfulness. I remember wanting a divorce when our daughter was less than a year old, but we wouldn't get one until she was actually 15. We had kids together and for the longest time I thought that was the main reason to stay in our marriage but never realizing that I was compromising my happiness for something that didn't exist which was a marriage consisting of two people who supported, loved and protected each other-we didn't have that. I went through years of feeling alone and like I actually had 3 kids instead of 2. I had to support our family as the main breadwinner because he was not dependable, it was a struggle and it was lonely...I was lonely. I had my kids throughout the years to keep me going and whether they know it or not, they made me stronger. I wanted to be a good mother to them and try and give them whatever they needed. Looking back I sometimes think that I should have left when they were small so that they never had to go through days watching their parents fight like they did. But then I think that those bad days helped them become the people they are today with a better understanding of how to treat the ones you choose to love. Our mistakes were their lessons, but I do wish they didn't have to witness years of fighting. We bought a house together because I started to give in to the fact that this was going to be my life and I might as well make the most of it. Then one day I realized I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't take the fighting, the unhappiness, the loneliness. My kids were both in high school and I decided I would live out my 4 year plan which was to get all my ducks in a row in the next 4 years which would allow my kids to finish high school so that they wouldn't have to make many changes and they would be old enough to understand. As the days went on I realized that even 4 years more of my life was too much to give to a man who didn't care if I even existed. As the fighting got more intense I decided to move into my own room in a different part of our house. The funny thing is that he thought that was ok and thought things were as they had always been. The police were called to my house on more than one occasion because the neighbors heard us screaming at each other, it was pretty intense. After a really bad fight I went to the courthouse and filed the divorce paperwork that I had been working on for months...I had finally reached my breaking point. I had been going to church for a year and living in my separate part of the house for almost a year when I decided that I needed to go out again. Yes I had my friends and while it was nice to get away with them, I needed to meet people of the opposite sex to find myself again. This is the part in my life where there were people who told me that I needed time to myself to re-discover myself since I was with him for so long. What they didn't understand was I had been in a relationship for almost 20 years where the last 10 was just a façade. If we spoke to each other it was usually us calling each other names. I had enough ME time to go around and I needed to find myself again. My first marriage made me never want to get married ever again and I never thought I would. He would always tell me that I had 2 kids and nobody would want me and then he would call me mean and hurtful things. I would defend myself and say mean and hurtful things right back. I was this person that I didn't recognize anymore and I didn't like who I had become. Most of you have heard the story of how I met Miji and for those of you who haven't, it was an online dating site. I was still technically married when I met him, the divorce paperwork was in the system and I had already started looking for places to live. I found a place and my kids decided to move with me while still keeping rooms at the house with their dad. I knew he wouldn't be able to keep up our mortgage and I knew my credit would plummet, but I didn't care. I finally realized that my peace of mind for not only myself but for my kids was more important than my credit or anything that held me back in the past. When the kids and I moved into our place it was an instant change. It was quiet and peaceful and we laughed again. Of course there were still a lot of obstacles with each other to overcome and get used to but we did it. The whole divorce process was a paperwork nightmare and I would lose hope as it kept getting returned to me. One day my sister told me she wanted the whole thing to be done with and she helped me pay for a paralegal to clean up all the paperwork and submit it to the court. We never had to go before a judge and within months the computer said "Date Marital Status Terminates 7/19/12" I remember thinking that it was the same date as my sister's birthday and while she should be the one getting gifts, she had given me one of the greatest gifts by helping me to complete the process. We celebrated that year at a party at her house and she gave me a heart keychain that said "To new beginnings 7/19/12". Perhaps I didn't remember what day it was today because as the years go by I know that I have made peace with those bad times that my ex and I endured. I don't wish him any ill will and I often pray for him. I know that without him I would not have been given the chance to be the mother to my kids and I can't imagine my life without them. We have been thorough so much together and I know that the three of us will always have that special bond because of the hard times we went through back then. Today Miji and I are married and we have the kind of marriage that I always wished for. We love each other, he adores my kids, we support each other and I feel safe. Five years ago today I found myself again and I am so thankful.

Cheese, Charcuterie and Crambone

Okay...I know you're probably wondering...what the heck is CHARCUTERIE...or maybe not if you're into big words. I'll get to the meaning later, but until this weekend I never heard the word, although Miji and I have added it to our daily vocabulary. We hadn't seen Miji's parents in a few weeks so we devoted our Saturday to hanging out there, at least that was the plan. When we got there to their house his mom asked us if we wanted to go to Sonoma in Santa Monica with her and Miji's tias to which I quickly replied YES! Of course Miji agreed as well since as he says "Happy wife, Happy Life" and he knows how happy wine makes me. Sonoma is this wine garden at the Santa Monica Promenade that is hip and swanky. It makes you like one of the cool kids to hang out there with all the other cool kids. So off we went. On road trip adventures with Miji's mom and his tias, Miji is always the front seat passenger so he can assist with directions or be the cool DJ from his Iphone. Miji's mom, aunt and myself are the backseat passengers. Let me just put this out there right now...Miji's aunt is an awesome driver-scared of nothing and no one. I am a big chicken to even leave past Fontana or Redlands if I am the driver, but not her, she is fearless! The trip there seemed somewhat long and I was getting a little carsick because the sun was beating down on my side and I occasionally was looking at my phone which equals carsick for me. Finally we exited the freeway and it was a beautiful sunny day, but the traffic was oh so crazy! Did it bother Miji's aunt? Nope! She maneuvered her way into the lanes she needed, made swift uturns and even managed a U-turn on PCH when the other cars did the same. It was awesomely exhilarating to say the least. When we finally managed to get to a parking lot, we ended up in the smallest, most awful parking lot there. There was only one way in and out and it was packed. Cars were honking at each other and trying to find a place. We finally got to moving when we saw an empty space...with a guy standing there to save the place for his family car that was like 4 cars back. "Oh hell no" was the thought in our head when we saw him standing there. We honked at him as we slowly pulled in to show him that space was ours. Luckily for him at that same moment the parking attendant drove by and told him he couldn't do that, so he moved-good thing for him. There were 4 of us ladies in the car as well as Miji who were hot and needed a drink! We walked along the Santa Monica Pier just enjoying the day and the beautiful scenery of the sun glimmering on the ocean. The beach is one of my favorite places to be. I could stare out into the waves forever, it's so peaceful to me. We ended up at Mariasol at the end of the pier. We ate, we drank, we laughed. Miji wondered where shrimp taquitos have been his whole life, I wondered the same...those were soooo good! We annoyed our waiter who was this little short Mexican guy with an accent named Tony-we accidentally called him Ramon once-oops! He hated us! He handed us over to another waiter named Sidney because he told us he had to leave for his other job...ya right we thought! After we were done we walked back to the car, stopped for a selfie on the pier and headed to our next stop...Sonoma!!! We got there and waited in line for a table. The host seemed like she was new to the job and after she took our name down she told us to stay where she could see us or else she would forget about us (isn't that why you took our name down?). We sat at a cozy little booth and we felt cool. Our hip young waiter named Sean came to give us our menus to which we looked for our favorite wine...Moscato D'Asti. Miji's aunt ordered a cheese and meat plate...now here it comes...the meat is also a known by the fancy name of Charcuterie. Miji and I laughed, we couldn't stop saying it, where had this word been all our lives? As we sipped on our moscato enjoying our charcuterie we saw a familiar face...it was Tony...aka Ramon! We all waved annoyingly and shouted out "Hey Tony!" he seemed to give in to the fact that he was cursed with us for the day and he may as well have fun in the process. He became our friend and checked on us when Sean was busy. We wrapped up our evening in Santa Monica pouring off what was left in the wine bottle and heading back to the car. As Miji played DJ on the way home, he also played us old Tom and Jerry cartoons with Jerry's Uncle Pacos singing "Crambone". If you haven't seen it before, we highly recommend it. We got dropped off at home and I took two aspirin because after even a few drinks I knew I would feel hangover-ish if I didn't. I laid in Miji's arms that night and we laughed as we reminisced about the beautiful day we had with family. I drifted off to sleep with thoughts of Miji, Cheese, Charcuterie and Crambone...

Meet Miji

Today I decided to start a new blog called Married to Miji. For those of you who don't know, though I am not sure there are any, Miji is my hubby. It's my nickname for him that I took from the nickname his family has for him and made it my own anyways, that's where I got the name Miji. He and I always have so much fun together and it has always been that way, since day one. As everybody knows, we met on match.com. I found him after sifting through profiles of all kinds of crazy, there he was, and he didn't look so crazy. He had this profile picture that totally looked high maintenance because of the cigar in his mouth. If that would have been the only picture he had, I may have skipped right by. Luckily for both of us he had other pictures too. The one that caught my eye as this picture of him and his two best friends just hanging out with a drink in their hands. He looked easygoing and there was something there that just drew me to him. We texted back and forth for about a week until he decided to call me up one night. Our first meeting was at Macaroni Grill in Redlands and from then on we became an us and now here we are, almost together for 5 years...seems like so long ago. We have been through so much together in that time. We have lived in 3 different places together, raised two kids in the last part of their teen years together, planned and survived a 250 guest wedding, had a grandchild...the list goes on and on. When we first got together we were in the crazy goofy in love phase. I remember going to bars and sitting next to each other just staring at each other and laughing. Boy, did we piss off some waitresses because to us we were all that we cared about in the room. I am sure they hated us. Then we got married and we were in the honeymoon phase, fresh off our honeymoon and so happy to be married to each other. We were so damn cute that people rolled their eyes at us or told us to get a room, but we didn't care. So...hmmm...what phase are we in now? I don't know if there's a name for it. We are still goofy in love and also still in the honeymoon phase. We are settling in to our marriage and still learning new things about each other as well as adjusting to the things that drive us crazy about each other but that we still love them anyways. Some things we do annoy each other like me diagnosing myself on WebMD when I experience any type of symptom that isn't normal. Or him when he cracks himself up at things and doesn't stop. We follow each other to the freeway each morning on the way to work and I nag him about turning on his lights even though it's light out as he nags me that we need to get the car washed soon. That is one thing that irritates Miji...a dirty car. Our car needs to be clean. He will usually just drive it through a car wash at the gas station and I have to admit that I love it when he does. He switched the music to "Car Wash" and disco dances in his seat, he's cute. He puts up with things I do like me having to press on the refrigerator door a few times throughout the time we're home to make sure it's closed or how I pout and tell him he doesn't love me just because I know he will walk over to me and tell me all the reasons he does love me. There are things I have to put up with too that he does, but his things are more adorable than anything. He's a comic book geek and while I may never understand the rhyme or reason to whatever happens in his comic book universes, he always takes time to explain it to me. He includes me into his comic book world by buying me superhero T-shirts or taking me to see his comic book movies and indulging me with cheesy fries and a cocktail before the movie. Not only did I score with being married to the greatest hubby ever for me, but then I also get his family. On the weekends we hang out with his parents and his mom gives me wine as we watch old movies on TMC. We shop, hang out with his tias, it has been the greatest thing ever. Not to mention he gets along so well with my family and it is just something I had never experienced before, until he came along. Being married to Miji is awesome. Everyday is an adventure with him, even if it's just a work day. We wake up and get ready together, act silly, talk about Ginger Chan. We get home from work, cook together, watch Bold and the Beautiful. Miji is my rock. He is always there for me no matter what, in good and bad. So long ago it used to be just me figuring out how to deal with life, but not anymore. He loves me, loves the kids. He's amazing and I am so lucky that he's mine...even though he forgot to take out the trash today (I had to get that one in there).